


I Wish I Could Go Back

by Ailette



Category: Ashes to Ashes, Life on Mars
Genre: Imported, M/M, Sam's a ghost, he's not sure either, or Maybe something else, squint to see the ship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-28
Updated: 2014-08-28
Packaged: 2018-02-15 03:33:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2214225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ailette/pseuds/Ailette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Maybe you knew a different Gene Hunt, huh, Sam.” (Spoilers for LOM 2x08, A2A 1x01 (and somehow 1x07))</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wish I Could Go Back

Alex sighed. This – 1981 – was taking longer than she liked. And it became harder with each day. Until now she had thought of Gene Hunt as an oddity of this time – macho but sympathetic. Today’s events had changed that a little. She had thought she knew everything there was to know about this imaginary world. She had thought she knew everything about Gene. But she had been wrong. She didn’t know that man who had shouted at her with that wild look in his eyes, was angry and, well hidden behind it all, hurt in his pride. DCI Tyler’s recordings had described Gene as someone like that man, but only in the beginning. As his story went on, his voice grew warmer, hints of affection for the blunt man creeping through. Affection Alex had understood until today.

“Maybe you knew a different Gene Hunt, huh, Sam.”, she whispered into her empty flat. As someone answered her, she nearly fell from her bed.

“I guess I really did.” Alex stared at the man suddenly standing beside her bed, shyly smiling down at her. “Sorry about that. Didn’t mean to startle you.”

“You – you are – HIM! You are DCI Sam Tyler!” Sam shook his head with a sly grin. His murmured “Never made it back to DCI here,” was lost as the slightly panicked Alex shouted, “You’re dead! Now and then! You can’t be here! What… What are you? And why are you here all of a sudden?”

“I’ve actually been here the whole time,“ Sam held his hands up before Alex could mouth the outrage she was already forming, “Not here, in your bedroom, of course. Just here… in 1981. I don’t know why you can see me now though.”

Alex had scrambled back against the wall, furthering the distance between her and the pale looking Sam. “So… it’s really you.” Sam nodded. “And you’ve been here… since when?”

“I came here in 1973. I went back to 2006, jumped off a building and was back in 1973. Seven years later, I died in a car accident. Next thing I know I was by his side again. I don’t really know what I am, or why I’m here. I don’t even remember dying. But, since I should be dead for good now, I figured I could just stay with the person I gave up my life for the first time around.”

“Gene.” She didn’t mean to whisper, to make the name sound so much like a spell, a secret shared only between the two of them, but Sam once again smiled at her understandingly.

“Yes, Gene.” The Sam Tyler in front of her didn’t look like the man from the pictures at all. He looked more relaxed, at ease, happy despite his weird circumstances.

“You must really love him.” Sam’s eyes widened a little at that and his mouth fell open. Alex almost apologized before she realized that her opposite wasn’t actually offended by her thoughtless remark, but thinking about it.

“Love him? I never thought that’s what it was… It just became so natural to follow him everywhere he went, following his lead… Well, not so much following as arguing while on the same way. But I suppose you’re right,” he gave a small laugh. “After all I don’t think Ray or Chris would give their lives for the Guv twice and then follow him around as a ghost.”

A silence fell upon them, in which Sam looked out of the open window and Alex processed the recent developments. A ghost came to visit her. Well, everything else considered, that was by far not the strangest thing that had happened to her recently.

“How was he back then?” Despite the question sounding fairly out of the blue, Sam caught up with her immediately.

“Happier, not as controlled, not this insecure and tame… you didn’t think ‘broken’ when you saw him, you thought ‘This is a man who can do everything he sets his mind to’. He doesn’t seem to belong in this time. Even less so than you and I do. His times were the 70s. Now he’s like a caged animal. All these new rules and regulations are killing him.”

“I wish I could have met him then. But I guess he wouldn’t have paid much attention to me.” She gave Sam a wistful look. “And meeting him before you did might have been even worse. You changed him, Sam. In other ways than all these,“ she made a vague gesture, “things did. You changed him for the better. I heard Chris and Ray talk about it.”

Sam smiled at her, more openly this time, but only for a few seconds before it faltered again. “But it wasn’t enough. I should have stayed with him for a longer time. I should be with him now and help him through this time. If it weren’t for my death he would have never had to leave Manchester. If it weren’t for my death,“ a sob escaped him, only interrupting him for a couple of seconds. “If it weren’t for me, he wouldn’t have to think himself responsible for a colleague’s death. Which he isn’t!”

Alex watched compassionately as the ghostly Sam began pacing along her bed. “I shouldn’t have died! I should have stayed with him! If I had just listened to him… It’s not right that he has to suffer for my faults!” The rambling continued for some time before Sam dropped on Alex’ bed, looking even sadder than during his speech. “I wish I could go back, Alex. I wish I could go back to him. Even when I wanted to go “home”, back to 2006, I didn’t want it so badly. Even when I jumped off that roof…” Sam sobbed again, burying his face in his hands.

Carefully, Alex tried to touch Sam’s shoulder, only to see her hand go right through him. Watching him made her feel bad. But watching him and not being able to help in any way made it worse. Even after all these years of studying human psychology, she still didn’t know what to do in this situation. So she sat directly next to him, hoping to make at least a little gesture and whispered, “I’m sorry, Sam. I’m really, really sorry.” The only answers were the heart wrenching noises escaping Sam’s throat.

\-------------------------------

Sometime after, she must have fallen asleep since when she woke up, she couldn't remember how the encounter had ended. As she looked around, Sam, or his ghost, were no where to be found. She had to search the whole flat before she believed this incident to be a dream. But even as she made her way to the station she still felt depressed. Usually dreams didn’t affect her as much. Had it been a dream? Or did it really happen? And if it did happen, where was Sam now?

“Maybe he’s invisible to me again.”, she murmured to herself, feeling a new wave of compassion roll over her.

“I sure hope you’re not talking about me, Bolly Knickers, since I feel quite visible as your superior officer in my very own bloody office.” Without really noticing it, Alex had walked straight up to Gene’s desk. Still thinking about Sam she just shook her head and turned around to leave again. As she did so her eyes stopped at Gene’s pin board. At the article about Sam’s death.

“You miss him just as much, don’t you?” she asked softly. Before her DCI had a chance of answering that unexpected question, she left his office and closed the door behind her.

\--------------------------------

Gene followed her gaze and ended up looking straight into Sam’s black and white paper eyes. A shame he didn’t have a better picture of him here. But than again, no photograph could ever do his friend’s eyes justice.

With a sigh, he grabbed his flask and opened it. With a nod to Sam’s picture he mumbled, “I’ll be damned if you pain in my arse are really dead. Just wait, I’ll find you and beat your bloody senses, memories, consciousness or whatever it is you’ll need, back into you. Not that your senses weren’t as muddleheaded as my ex-father-in-law’s in his nuthouse from the very beginning.” Because there was just no way, that Sam would stay away from him if he could remember. And dead? Sam hadn’t been allowed to die on that day. Not without his Guv being able to _try_ and rescue him.

As he took a gulp of his flask he felt as if someone was watching him and smiled gently. “It’s your fault I’m drinking on the job, so don’t judge. And don’t even think about crying, Dorothy. I could never stand that sound.”

**Author's Note:**

> (Originally posted at http://ailette.livejournal.com/6538.html)  
> A/N: A really persistent plot bunny bit in the middle of A2A 1x07. So I had to write it down before even finishing the episode. It's also my first fic in the LOM fandom.  
> Beta: jayb111 who has to be the best Beta I could have ever wished for in this fandom. Thanks again!


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